Welcome to the sixth episode in our series on how you can achieve happiness and success in life.
From our earlier episodes, we know that Happiness and success in life come from high-trust, covenant relationships.
In our last episode, we said that the best way of developing good relationships is to live the three virtues:
Seek Wisdom
Practice Love
Get Results
The more people trust your wisdom, that you love them, and that you get things done, the stronger your relationships.
In our last episode we also talked about what wisdom is and why its critical for your success.
In this episode, we’ll go deeper into the other two important virtues—Practice Love and Get Results.
PRACTICE LOVE
Back in the early 2000’s, I spent some time as the Ethics Officer for the Los Angeles Unified School District. The district had gone through a major scandal and was doing some reform. I was 36 years old. This was a senior position in a multi-billion-dollar agency, and my boss Hal gave me a great opportunity.
It was a fantastic experience. Hal taught me about the law, government, politics, unions and leadership—all good stuff. What made Hal a great leader however, was that he genuinely cared about his people. We all worked harder for Hal because we knew he cared about us.
Twenty years later, many of us are still friends with Hal.
How did I know that Hal cared about me? He showed it several ways.
Hal believed in me. He asked for my input on major issues within the broader legal office. He actively listened to what I said. In my area of responsibility, he gave me the authority to make district-wide decisions. When I was attacked, Hal backed me without hesitation—even when it cost him politically.
Hal treated me like a teammate, not a minion. Hal really focused on doing the right thing for kids and the district instead of what was politically expedient.
Finally, Hal took an active interest in my personal and career development. He challenged me to continuously improve my ideas, writing and work. He made sure that I learned important lessons about leadership, politics and big organizations that I could use throughout my life.
I picked up a lot of knowledge from Hal, but more important, I learned the power of genuine care for others. Care doesn’t just get better performance from people. Care transforms both the person giving and the person receiving the care. Remember that.
My junior high school wrestling coach, Jim, had a big impact on my life. The impact wasn’t that he taught me a better wrestling move. It was because he took the time to care. More than 40 years later, we’re still friends.
Think back to the people who made the biggest differences in your life. Did they make that difference by teaching you a better way to throw a ball or do a math equation? Or did they make a difference because they cared?
We have been talking about people caring for each other, so why is it practice love instead of care about others?
It is because love is the deepest kind of caring you can have for another. Love gets the most commitment. Love builds the strongest relationship bonds.
Love-based covenant relationships are deeper, stronger and more committed than contract/transactional relationships or power-based relationships.
Of course, it’s really important to know what we mean by love.
Love is much more than a feeling. Love is taking action to do what is best for another.
The ancient Greeks recognized different types of love including philia and agape.
Philia is brotherly love. That’s why Philadelphia is known as the City of Brotherly Love. Philia is a mutual friendship where you care about the other person’s well-being—what is best for them.
Agape love is deeper, self-sacrificing love. It is when you are willing to die for another.
Love doesn’t just benefit the person receiving the love. When you practice love, it transforms you.
You become what you do. When you do something over and over, it becomes a habit and eventually part of your character.
If you practice contract or power-based relationships, treating people as things to be manipulated, then you will become that person. If you practice it at work, you will carry it home to your spouse and children, and eventually treat them that way too. You will be unable to develop the deeper relationships that lead to happiness and success. Family, friends and work clients will be around you as long as you are useful. When times get tough, they will abandon you.
On the other hand, if all your relationships are love-based, covenant relationships, you’ll become a truly loving person. It will become part of your nature. You will bring it home to bless your spouse and children. You will develop high trust, deep, fulfilling relationships that bring happiness and success in life. Your family and friends will be with you through thick and thin because they love you.
At work, if your clients know that you love them and want what’s best for them, you’ll have high-trust relationships, and they’ll give you more business. If your people know that you love them and want what is best for them, they’ll be more inspired, engaged and productive.
Again, if you combine more business from clients with higher productivity from your people, you’ll have better performance and a big competitive advantage in whatever work that you do: business, non-profit, military, public service, etc.
Practice love in everything that you do so that it becomes a fundamental part of who you are. It will become the foundation for the relationships that bring you happiness and success.
GET RESULTS
The more people know that you can get results, the more people will trust you, and the better your relationships.
People want to know that you can get the job done.
In a close basketball game, will you make the final shot?
In business, can you get the project completed on-time and on-budget?
In sales, can you close the deal?
In the military, can you achieve the mission?
In the charity world, can you raise the money?
More specifically, do you have the motivation to get started? Do you have the perseverance to fight through challenges? Do you have the wisdom and strength to drive things to completion?
Finally, if you seek wisdom and practice love, you give yourself the best chance of having the knowledge, character, and relationships to get results.
WRAP UP
Life is about happiness and success.
Happiness and success come from good relationships.
Three virtues build the best, highest performance relationships possible.
Seek Wisdom. The more people trust your knowledge and character, the stronger your relationship.
Practice Love. The more people know that you love them, the deeper their commitment and the better your relationship.
Get Results. The more people trust that you will get the job done, the tighter your relationship.
In our next installment, we’ll talk about the three places to practice these virtues.
